If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he was CRYING into my vagina
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize