Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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