Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
