he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
