When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
