Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize