toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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