I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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