Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
