I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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