mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
