But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
