Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
