I can text with my tongue
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
