some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
