Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
