We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
