2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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