I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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