Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
