OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
