You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
