I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
