tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
