woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
