She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i will never coherently bang her
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
