mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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