it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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