didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
