O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
someone owes me an orgasm
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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