He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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