Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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