sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
