just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I AM VODKA MAN
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
