I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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