Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
