My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
