Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
