So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
