A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize