i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize