well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
