took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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