he thought i was a dude.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
