I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize