he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
