that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
