I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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