So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
