Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
