i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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