well I can't set my house on fire every night
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
