Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
