Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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