JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
