kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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