We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
