we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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