He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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