im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
