After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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