That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize