btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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