Ambien. No doubt about it.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
