I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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