I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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