When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
