all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
